I'd like to begin by apologizing for the novel here, but I have taken some poetic license and not gone with the "Just the facts, ma'am" approach to this, my first climb. So here goes:
After spending some time hanging from a branch in my yard familiarizing myself with my new climbing gear, I headed out this morning to get some tree bark in my boot soles. I loaded up my gear into my ten-dollar Salvation Army suitcase and headed out to find some public land that might afford me an opportunity. Browsing the forum and reading some stories regarding run-ins with various types of folks in charge of keeping people out of the trees, I had decided to go full ninja on this one. Well, as much ninja as a 6-2 pudgy guy with no experience can muster, anyway. But it was early on a Saturday morning, so I figured City Park would fit the bill. Not too much foot traffic, big pretty trees and great weather were all on my side, so away I went.
I drove around like a burglar casing the joint. I stopped and got out a few times, but it seemed like every time I got ready to unzip my suitcase gear bag, a whole host of people would show up and I kept chickening out. Until I found the spot: a nice big bald cypress with big, sparse branches that was calling my name. So I got out of my truck and began.
Here's the thing that they don't tell you in the tree climbing books and such: Getting that throwline where you want it is a pain in the neck. Under the branch, hit the trunk, over the branch above the one I was aiming at, straight up and straight down, nowhere near anything I was aiming at…I ran the gamut of throwline experience this morning. The other part of that is that even when you get the line over the branch you want, maybe it's not WHERE you want it on the branch, or the throw weight won't come down, or one of a dozen other things that force you into the soul-crushing chore of flinging that stupid little bag back into the air. I do think the learning curve is flattening out, though. I did realize significant improvement from my first throw to my last. I've decided that, heretofore, I will use the 2-handed cradle method, as that at least narrows the cone of uncertainty. You one-handed bolo-style guys and gals have my admiration.
After getting the throwline and then the rope into the tree, (a 6" diameter branch with a crotch in it about 2 feet from the trunk of the tree) I put on my harness, tied up my Blake's Hitch and sat down to test the gear and the tie-in-point. All systems go…except for one thing. My tie-in point was about 2 feet off the trunk of the tree. It's really hard--nearly impossible, I'd wager--to body thrust up the side of a tree that your feet aren't actually touching. Sigh. Get the throwline back out.
So, after Throwline Attempt #637, I got the rope in a spot where I wanted it. Up the tree I went. There's a rhythm to body thrusting, and I haven't got much rhythm yet. But I hauled my, ahem, self up the side of that tree to about the 20-foot mark, stood up on a branch, and basked for a minute or two in the glory of 3 dimensions. When the effect wore off a bit, I went to work. The things I wanted to accomplish were setting a lanyard, changing my tie-in point, resetting my climbing line and descending without incident. Getting my lanyard set for the first time was a little hairy. It was a big tree, so that process looks like this: sling the lanyard around the trunk and try to catch a rope that you can't see with a hand you can't see and clip it in and adjust slack one-handed. The other hand had, shall we say, a firm grip on the branch I was holding onto. I hadn't unclipped from my overhead tie in point, but still. Once I got the hang of that, I was in pretty good shape. I moved around in the canopy a bit, but I was running short on time and my arms were kind of tired from lifting 225 pounds of meat up the side of the tree. So, I set my lanyard, unclipped from my overhead and pulled some slack in my Blake's Hitch and coiled my climbing line in preparation for a throw over a higher branch. It did occur to me to keep the climbing line attached to me just in case I missed the throw badly (see my throwline comments above) so that it wouldn't fall to the ground, leaving me stranded 20 feet up in the tree. As it turns out, that was pretty good foresight on my part.
After resetting my tie-in point, there was some question in my mind about how to test the system while up in the tree. I pulled on the doubled rope, with no apparent movement of my new overhead branch. So I tightened some slack and sat down in the harness. Still good, but I wasn't sure how much weight was being borne by the lanyard and how much by the climbing line. I put some slack in the lanyard, hitched up the line a little more, and sat down again. Still good. So, moment of truth time. I unclipped the lanyard, sat down in the harness and swung out off the branch I was standing on. Out. Into. Thin. Air. And you know what happened? I hung there in my harness, exactly the way it was designed to hang me. Perfect. So I shimmied down the tree and packed up. All in all, a very exciting morning.
So, lessons learned? Body thrusting is easier on TV. Save up for a Big Shot. Slack is not your friend. Don't bother trying to coil your throwline for storage. This hobby is addictive.
Thanks for reading.
